Actually… We’d Like To Introduce You To Another Totally Real Thing: The Diet Wars

There’s a war going on in America today. No, it’s not with Iraq and it’s not with Afghanistan, ladies and gentlemen, it’s with the American diet. Details magazine, my favourite gay porn rag for swimsuit editorials like this, has uncovered an alarming battle royale between the vegans and the paleolithic eaters. Vegans hold fast to eating only vegetables and shit like tempeh, whereas the pro-paleos say if you can’t hunt or gather it, you can’t eat it. And they is pissed at each other! Now, my wordsmithing skillz aren’t quite up to Details level, so I’ll just pull some quotes for you.

On the Paleo Diet: “the 36 year old Butler - a vegan - calls ‘intractable and Luddite’. ‘It’s such man-casting’, he adds. ‘You’re a freaking caveman, bro’.”

“‘It’s kind of like talking about politics’, Pagel says of the country’s increasingly polarized diet debate. ‘I veer away from it.’”

“‘On a date or at a party, all I have to do is start talking about my diet and I have people’s attention for the next hour.’” (Actually… That’s clearly *not* the cocaine talking)

“Travis Robertson, a 25-year old cowboy boot-clad vegan - or hegan - who hunts birds and deer for sport, is asked to explain his approach every single day, usually right after he pulls out a baggie of dried fruits and nuts.”

I’m not sure where I stand on this highly polarizing issue either, but alls I know is I hope the term “hegan” makes it into the lexicon as soon as possible. How else will I know what to call the guy I’m bromantically involved with?