Actually… True Blood’s Season Premiere Was Really Written By The Fans

Well played, Alan Ball. You’ve truly raised the bar. I know I said True Blood sucks, but you’ve sucked me back in with episode one of season three. Borrowing from the fan fiction was a smart move. Within minutes, I got to see some Viking Eric ass, Sam’s dream about Bill (with sexy results!) and even though I don’t particularly care, Jason Stackhouse’s butt.

It’s got me looking forward to episode five, when Bill, upon finding out the identity of the werewolf, convinces Eric to “tag-team” the brute and teach him a lesson in humility, one he won’t soon forget.

The actual dream sequence dialogue:

Bill: Can I use your shower?

Sam: Of course. [Bill, already shirtless, begins to remove pants] Theres, uh, plenty of towels in the bathroom.

Bill: If you could spare a shirt, I’d be much obliged.

Sam: I really didn’t pack anything, it’s kind of an impromptu road trip I’m on. But, you can have the shirt off my back if you want it.

Bill: I’ll take what I can get. [Sam removes shirt] Nice.

Sam: Thank you.

Bill: I’ll take that shower now. Unless you’d care to join me?

Sam: Yeah. I think I would.

Bill: Good. We’re gonna have a nice time. I hear the water in Arkansas is… very hard.

For real? For serious? If that wasn’t ripped straight from some slash fiction site, I’ll drop my monocle into my martini.