Actually…how could I turn a blind eye to such persecution?

There has been so much tragedy in the world over the past few months. From earthquakes to volcanoes, so many people across the globe have been affected by a host of old-testament-worthy fire and fury. 

While these devastating natural disasters are important and certainly worthy of our attention (and our donations), I can’t help but think that our preoccupation with geologic events have caused us to turn a blind eye to others who are also suffering greatly (and in need of our donations). 

People who have changed their own lives and changed the lives other for the better, people who selflessly give and give and never ask for anything in return, unless they’ve irresponsibly spent all of their money. 

People like Stephen Baldwin.

Back in 2003 the youngest (and formerly highest) Baldwin brother found god, became born-again and described his new-found faith thusly:  

Stephen Baldwin: Just because I’m born-again doesn’t mean I have to have the Ten Commandments memorized. See, that’s the bad rap the born-again thing has gotten. What being born-again means for me is that I’m having so much fun in this interview that we’re not going to go out and get an 8-ball of blow tonight and go crazy…

Radar: The 8-ball sounds like fun, though. 

Stephen Baldwin: Of course it does!

(via Radar)

Then in July 2009 he had to declare bankruptcy. 

Uh-Oh!!! This can’t be good for a Prosperity Gospel preaching fuck like SB? It must have been hard to get all Deuteronomy 8:18  on someone only to have to turn around and file a Chapter 7. 

Of course the interwebz “persecuted” him by noting the irony of such a situation and commented prolifically and humorously, as it is wont to do. (There are too many sites to link to… Just get your lazy fingers to google that shit.)

This time, however, the world wide web got it wrong. (But what’s one blemish on an otherwise spotless record?)

You see folks, this isn’t a case of god abandoning Stephen, nor it is a case of Stephen having to swallow a pant-load of his own bullshit. Rather, what this textured financial situation proves is that god just loves Stephen THAT much!

What the internet could not see is that Stephen is like a modern-day Job… he is an influential and righteous man who is having his faith tested. He has been chosen by god as an example of faith and christian ethics, his predicament is a matter of spiritual warfare, he is to be a mentor for us all… but only if we can restore him (read: give him our money). 

You see, folks, Stephen is trying to be a good-news-spreading influence-peddler in Hollywood (Hollywood! The belly of the beast!) and since Hollywood worships money Stephen has to have money (and a lot of it) to peddle influence.

Just like Jesus. 

WWJD? Why he’d take his credit card out and donate now!

Then he’d visit RestoreLD.tumblr.com to and make an even bigger donation to a wayward catholic high school goth.