June 2010
3 posts
Actually... We'd Like To Introduce You To Another...
There’s a war going on in America today. No, it’s not with Iraq and it’s not with Afghanistan, ladies and gentlemen, it’s with the American diet. Details magazine, my favourite gay porn rag for swimsuit editorials like this, has uncovered an alarming battle royale between the vegans and the paleolithic eaters. Vegans hold fast to eating only vegetables and shit like tempeh,...
Actually... True Blood's Season Premiere Was...
Well played, Alan Ball. You’ve truly raised the bar. I know I said True Blood sucks, but you’ve sucked me back in with episode one of season three. Borrowing from the fan fiction was a smart move. Within minutes, I got to see some Viking Eric ass, Sam’s dream about Bill (with sexy results!) and even though I don’t particularly care, Jason Stackhouse’s butt.
...
May 2010
15 posts
Actually... I Guess I'll Still Watch Season Three
LA Rag Mag just posted these pics of leaked photos from season three of True Blood. Remember when Sam drank Bill’s blood to heal himself? Well it seems that he’s going to be having some sexy dreams come June. I guess I’m gonna have to sit through the nonsense plots and Tara being abrasive for no reason to see some shapeshifter on vamp action. On top of Skarsgard saying he was...
Actually... Why Is True Blood So Popular?
So I just got finished watching both season one and two of True Blood and I have one question. Why the shit do people like this show? LD informed me that there would be tons of naked Alexander Skarsgard, but I watched this shit for two seasons, which translates into twenty-four hour long episodes, and I saw maybe a quarter of his ass. Ummmmmm… That ain’t enough. Sure, Vampire Bill is...
Actually... I've Been Feeling Itchy... Down There
You know when you take home some trick from Steamworks and next thing you know you find yourself tied up, screaming for help while he’s rifling through your shit and putting your exploits up on the internet? Me neither. But hypothetically, if for some reason, he gave you his actual number (I should have never trusted a 647!) or his actual email (it was Hotmail, I should have known better)...
Actually... Why Are Old Dudes So Comfortable With...
I work out at a gym at Yonge and St. Clair. In the barren wastelands of Toronto, north of Bloor, there lies some fancy private schools and other associated richie rich stuff. None of the kids leave home because it’s so nice. So I was excited when I joined the gym, that I’d be seeing some hot young dude bodies in the change room. Scions of industry bodies. Sons of pure unadulterated...
Actually... Babies Are Adorable
I turned on my TV the other day, and rather than being barked at by Tim Boland about Rogers Maple Leafs SportsPak Ultra Lite or some such sports related nonsense, I was treated to an interview with Thomas Balmes, creator of the movie Babies. Basically, it follows some adorable babies from around the world being their adorable selves. Really? This is basically the real world version of the South...
Actually... Writing Spoilers Before Everyone Has A...
So I get home from an average Tuesday night (you know, a drunken one wherein you arrive home at two in the am) and I flip through Facebook as I am wont to do when I’ve had a few. Being that I love total voyeuristic pleasure via the FB, I check “Most Recent” under the updates section. Scrolling through, I am horrified to learn that LD has written “Seriously, Lost?...
Actually...I think Jack Smith would approve.
We’ve all seen Sharon Stone’s multiple appearances on Law & Order: SVU
(Puh-lease, do not pretend like you didn’t fucking Tivo that shit and watch it over and over and over, thinking it was Basic Instinct 3. Cue MAJOR side-eye! I see you! I see you! I know you!)
Given the quality of her performance, don’t you think she’s like a modern day Maria Montez?
Actually...you can keep your churchy BS off my TV.
What is up with the churchy turn that so many television shows take as they draw to a close?
Specifically, I’m talking about BSG (Remember what happened to Starbuck?) and Lost.
Is is laziness? A lack of creativity? A pervasive conservatism? All of the above? Any way you slice it, I’m sick of this shit.
It’s not that I’m against biblical references or innovative...
Actually... I think I found the baddest bitch. →
Actually... Yawn
There has been a lot of buzz around the slash fiction water cooler these days (even though they fired me, I’m still pretty tight with the steno pool) about which celeb was going to come out on People’s latest issue. Well, boys and girls, the wait is over, and it’s some lady country singer. Chely Wright, some country singer with a new album and fucking memoir coming out, decided...
April 2010
23 posts
Actually... Boing-oing-oing Part Two
I love vampires. I love when they sparkle, I love when they leave me alone in the forest to fight werewolves, and I love when they suck my… blood. Alexander Skarsgard, better known as Vampire Eric on True Blood, recently told People magazine ”I shot a very, very graphic scene two days ago with a man.” He went on to say that “so far, it’s made sense every single time...
Actually... I Wonder If Moose Will Tell Him "Duh,...
The gang at Riverdale High is getting a new companion in the form of light-in-the-loafers student Kevin Keller. In a new story, resident rich bitch Veronica Lodge falls in love with him, but her traditional trickery doesn’t work.
Seems Kevin would be more into Jughead than Ronnie. Glossing over the obvious fact that Juggie is the biggest ‘mo this side of Bruce Vilanch, I’m...
Actually...how could I turn a blind eye to such...
There has been so much tragedy in the world over the past few months. From earthquakes to volcanoes, so many people across the globe have been affected by a host of old-testament-worthy fire and fury.
While these devastating natural disasters are important and certainly worthy of our attention (and our donations), I can’t help but think that our preoccupation with geologic events have...
Actually... Girlfriend Needs Some Product
Why is it that of all the ladies of Lost, Claire is the only one that hasn’t been issued a diffuser or some hair product?
Kate, Sun, even Widmore’s new lackey Tina Fey, all have some nice soft ringlets or waves or whatevs, but poor Claire! Her hair (in the totally believable tint they’ve dyed it) looks like she can’t wait for this year’s Burning Man. Do you think...
Actually... I Certainly Hope Someone Got Fired For...
Internet geeks just creamed their collective jeans (or should we say elastic waistband casual pants) with this Gizmodo leak of the new iPhone. Apparently, some poor (and now fired?) employee from Apple lost it at a bar. (Worst. Hangover. Ever.) It’s more squared off than the 3GS model and has some other stuff, like split volume buttons, higher resolution and a front facing video camera.
...
Actually... you can be my hero baby!
Two days ago, a young British woman was banned from drinking and buying alcohol anywhere in England and Wales.
Banned from drinking in Britian.
Seriously?
I can’t even begin to imagine what young Laura Hall was doing to get her pickled ass banned from drinking in a country where doctors send out warnings about the dangers of cooking and wielding knives while in the cups; where every 48...
Actually… no drugs were wasted in the making...
Actually... She Doesn't Look Like Biebs, At All
Blog roll! Check out lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com.
Pretty self-explanatory, really. Now, I’m not hip on youth culture (teenagers scare me), but from what I know, Justin Bieber is Canadian, Usher has something to do with him, and he totes doesn’t look like a twelve-year old boy or big lez. Not. At. All.
Actually... Making Fun Of People From The 905 Is...
ArtStars* is having a, get this, “Ossington Is The New Richmond: 905er Costume Party” party. How clever! Haha, people from the 905 are stupid, trailer-trash, spray tanned, drunk wannabe losers! Eye Weekly, in some grade-A reporting, writes “the party also speaks to increasing issues of gentrification in the Ossington area, which has been turned into a vibrant club scene over the...
Actually...how far do you want to go with this...
Annoying trend-piece alert!
Ladies and gents, I’d like to introduce to you the retrosexual.
Surprisingly, this latest jaunt into the strange and ill-conceived world fake trends doesn’t come from the NYT Style section. Rather, it comes to us directly from the Philadelphia Inquirer (no doubt a paper owned, at least in part, by Kabletown.)
In this piece the good folks from the city of...
Actually... I'm Only On Grindr To Meet Fellow...
I got fired from my job at the slash fiction factory. The recession has hit us all hard. So I’ve got a lot of free time on my hands. Time that I wisely use perusing Grindr to see who’s hot and in my immediate vicinity at Steamworks. In my vast online cruising, I find that a lot of the dudes on Grindr say something like… “masc only” or, and I quote, “normal dude...
Actually...I do want to know what happens when...
Lo those many years ago (some time in 2006), Tony Soprano once mused:
…the lesbian thing (pause) … with the ah….Jennifer Beals…it’s not bad. Is she a dyke in real life?
Is she a dyke in real life. According to The L Word (yes, I watched the show, and yes, the truth will out) any gaggle of well dressed women fighting about tennis, art and the most appropriate way to...
Actually... Are Maxiwiches Two Thousand And Late?
They’ve been talking about the KFC Double Down for a while now. Basically, for people who can’t get enough deliciousness or you know, have given up on trying to find someone to love them because of their crippling depression and loneliness, KFC has come out with this bad boy.
Who needs love or thinness when they can have two pieces of fried chicken acting as bread for a bacon,...
March 2010
3 posts
Actually... Television Was In Dire Need Of More...
Sure, there’s that show called Hung, where the guy from Spawn has a big dick and uses it to, I dunno, pleasure women and keep his family together or something. But fucker doesn’t even show us the damn thing! Even in Boogie Nights, we got to see Mark Wahlberg’s weird fake weiner. So that’s why I was so happy to see this show called Spartacus: Blood and Sand. Now, I...
Actually... I Find The News That Ricky Martin Is a...
So Ricky Martin has come out as a gay man. I’m sure that he’ll be on the cover of People Magazine this week, talking about his struggles and how he wants the world to be a better, more open place for his children or some other equally gay shit. I’m just shocked that the dude who sang “She Bangs” and frolicks like this on the beach could possibly be a homersexual.
...
Actually...believe it.
December 2009
3 posts
Actually... Billboard Music Calls It Like They...
Well, not quite. Billboard tallied record sales for the aughts, and found that Nickelback was the best selling rock band of the 2000s. As such, they named Nickelback the Rock Group of the Decade. 2012 can’t come soon enough!
Actually....OMFG!!
Who knew that working at a slash fiction factory could get you invited to all of Manhattan’s hottest hot-spots? Now that Fraser’s been spotted at the the Gimlet and the NYU dorms, among other notorious haunts will he still have time for us little people??
xoxo ld
Actually... The Best Part Of Waking Up
Every morning, I drag my ass out of bed and trudge to the slash fiction factory via TTC. And every morning, it’s the same routine. Walk for a while, wait for the streetcar, hate on everyone on the streetcar, wait for the subway, repeat hateration. Never do I pick up a Metro for a morning read, although judging from this blogTO post, I think I’m gonna start.
Metro printed this this...
November 2009
11 posts
Actually... The Hipster World Just Imploded
In a case of too much hipsterism at one time, the town of Williamsburg (or is it Park Slope now? It’s so hard to keep up), imploded on itself when this article from the Wall Street Journal about harem pants came out.
Harem pants, or as you may know them, MC Hammer pants, are totes cool again. Sort of. The WSJ wrote about them and once this went to press, pffft, there went hipsterdom.
...